He never want to be forgotten. For all his life, he tries his best to pleased everybody around him, sometime he have to fake a smile, sometimes he has to act against his own will, but in result, everybody seem to be happy around him, smile and laughing, never raise an argument with him, everybody called him as a 'friend that who can truly help'. His objective of pleasing everybody is to buy his way to everyone's heart, to have a place in their heart yet what he gets, is a place in everybody's heart, as a helping friend. Sounds nice, what else would a person ask more when he already gets a good reputation among his friend? Yet... He feels empty, empty inside as he feels that he is helping everybody yet nobody helps him..he wonder if anybody ever tried to understand him, that anybody understand his smile is reluctantly made out. That each and everyday he is waiting someone to label him as a 'good friend' and make him not feel isolated anymore. He is confused, couldn't really understand what emptiness is inside him, he can't find the answer himself, is he really seeking someone to understand him? Or because he feels lonely? But..would there really be anybody who could understand him? Is there...?
Surviving in the world is as hard as not being human. Camouflage seem to be the best survival tool to be used in this world. Hiding yourself, keeping yourself in low profile, displaying a different look compared to the heart, showing the world you are strong to not fall into the list of prey. How long could you survive? Could you hide your feeling and not be human for a minute? To ignore all your feelings and said you will move on after being stab by the person you trust the most? He is tired..Tired of the world that if fill with ugliness, a disease called 'Selfish'. Or it is really because of selfishness? Aren't we human made this way, NO, every single living thing in this world is made this way, to survive, and to survive, is to protect yourself. Cheating and lying to each other in the name of survival is justified. It is the law of nature.
Speaking about trust, what else would be more painful when you start to trust and love a person at the same time? The results, double pain. This is what kills him the most, the betrayal of the one he loves. Until today, he couldn't understand.. What is wrong? Why would she betray him and run off with some other guy? What did he do wrong? He could only put the blame on himself, 'If only i din't trust her so much...' He told himself, yet whatever he tells himself doesn't make any different right now, doesn't it? Everyday since the day she leave, every thought still consist her, he stills dream of her, he stills wait for her text message, he never success on realize that she is gone right now, where she enjoys and laughing happily on the arms of someone else... Each and everyday he wonders if she remembers him, he never give up after going through endless un-replied text message. The fact is she moved on and forgets bout him, the reality now is that he couldn't accept all of that. Someway or another..he just want to feel, that he is remembered and noticed.. Cold..Empty and cold, he doesn't know what is left for him, it is as if he is living alone in this world, each and everyday wondering if anybody realize his existence.
Yes... There surely won't be, nobody would care in the 1st place..everybody is taking care of themselves, why care about me? Why even take the time to understand me? Why even take a minute to understand my loneliness? I wonder..What happens if I disappear? Would anybody notice about it? Would anybody feel sad about it? Or everybody would be better off..Less a person to give unworthy attention...
Yes..I am tired..Tired of seeking attention, seeking to live on happily .. I tried...I just can't move on... But i surely wish..For somebody to remember me, as a worthy memory for them...
He takes one step forward..His foot dun feel anything..He close eyes, 'Goodbye..I decide to be selfish this time..haha..like anybody would care'. He lifts another foot forward, forward to free himself from all these misery, forward.. To finally stop his mind where flashbacks can't stop appearing. FULL STOP.
One Step, people called it stupidity, ignorance of the beauties there is in the world, of the value of life, but for some people, that one step.. Is freedom, free from the agony that is killing the person inside. What would an eye see from outside of a dying heart? Could you really judge that that 'one step' is stupidity? Do you understand what that person feels?
We are all humans, we most probably would encounter feelings like he did..But not everybody can endure such pain alone, some need help, some simply need to feel that they are not alone... So everybody...Even for a minute, is it so hard to take a minute to notice everyone around u precisely? Nobody will say out loud what the truly feel, people will always hide their pain, fear of misunderstanding and shame, human tend to keep it inside till somebody finds out about, if nobody doesn't, the pain will kill them inside and eventually, maybe, kill them.
What good on wasting time on someone so EMO, furthermore, their EMO could also bring you down, so why waste time to even care? I could only said.. Stop being so selfish suckers... A little time from you won't kill you, no time is just an excuse. Understanding them make you cherish more on what you have right now and give u strength to not be one of the 'depressed', you might save a life, you could be a real friend, a friend that would make other people feel lonely, and i am sure, when everything gets back to the right track, the person won't make you feel lonely either. As the saying goes 'Smile to the world, and the world will smile back'
Mr.E signing off, with a little advise HERE to help the depressed.
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